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     Simply Having A Wonderful Christmas Time (Invite) (Warning: Language)

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    Rhian Kael


    Dragon Trainer In Training

    OOC : Tiffany

    PostSubject: Re: Simply Having A Wonderful Christmas Time (Invite) (Warning: Language)   Tue Apr 10 2018, 02:06

    There was a moment, brief as it was, that Rhian thought she saw him. Saw her Connor. The boy who'd accepted her into his world so easily when they first met. As if she'd always been a part of his life. It hadn't even bothered him that she didn't want to leave her room that first summer they spent together. She had felt lost and utterly alone. And instead of going off with his friends, or doing what normal boys did at that age, he stayed with her. They played games, and talked about adventures they would go on. And he taught her all about the new world she found herself in.

    He was everything to her in those first few years. Until her world opened just one more person wider, to include Tess. And as much as she loved the other girl like a sister, there was something she'd always felt she shared with Connor, who'd known her from the beginning and had helped shape who she was. He was a part of her.

    And that part was gone. She saw it plainly written on his face as his own anger returned, mixed with disgust. At me.

    He had stepped away, and Rhian didn't have the strength to pursue him further, her arms moving to hold her middle, feeling like she would break apart otherwise. His words echoed her thoughts, with how much he'd been there for her. She couldn't argue against him in this, and she felt more alone on her proverbial island, as he made it clear that she'd done this to herself. But she didn't understand why.

    Until he continued. The crack in his voice centered her mind on his face, watching as he spoke about emotions. As he...


    Her jaw dropped. Had he just... His words seemed to echo around the silent buildings around them, snow falling gently to muffle their pain. If he was telling the truth. If he did - she fought to swallow when her throat didn't want to work - love her. Then he was right. She only had herself to blame.

    This isn't real, she shook her head slowly, willing the world away. "No," she murmured, her feet moving her away from him.

    She thought he'd pushed her away because of lingering heartache, and because she had started a new relationship. That seeing her happy and knowing she was with someone made him put up barriers. That she'd done something wrong....But she never imagined...

    "You can't."

    Words failed her as she looked up at the falling snow. She wanted so badly for him to pull her close and tell her everything would be okay. To settle in on his couch and watch terrible horror movies, with grilled cheese and ice cream for days. But, that wasn't for her anymore. He had Claire. Her blood calmed, perhaps it had frozen in her veins and she didn't have to feel anymore. "You deserve to be happy," her voice was barely above a whisper as her sorrowful eyes found his. "I guess....I'm too late."

    Her smile was as delicate as a snowflake.

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    Connor Bailey


    Dragon Trainer In Training

    PostSubject: Re: Simply Having A Wonderful Christmas Time (Invite) (Warning: Language)   Tue Apr 10 2018, 23:39

    In his wildest dreams he had once imagined telling Rhian that he properly loved her. He had imagined that they would have already been dating, and that he had properly planned a date to tell her how he felt. And then they would embrace and be at a better place. Yet this was not how this would happen. There was no fuzzy feeling, no lovey dovey eyes, nothing that showed the unconditional love he felt for her.

    'I should have told you I have always loved you' and so he had. The bitterness took away from that emotion. The hurt was clear.

    Because despite the pain, her ignorance and insensitivity he found himself still loving her. How could he not? The first time he realized her beauty it had hit him like a quaffle, knocking him over and making him really open his eyes at her. She walked in beauty and she thrived inside and out. But his heart was broken. He wasn't ready to simply hold her close no matter how much he wanted to. It wasn't healthy for him to dwell in that unrequited love.

    Was it even more painful that she disregarded it as a lie? That she didn't say the same to him? Had she said it would he have turned and embraced her like he always wanted? Absolutely. Had she told him she loved him he would have put everyone behind for she was all that he ever wanted. He once thought that they would be the best love story that either of them told.

    But from her surprise and her movements made it clear that it was done. It was almost freeing to properly have his heartbroken. The 'what -ifs' were gone and now he knew exactly how she felt. She wished him to be happy.

    "What's what I'm trying to be Rhian" he croaked out. "If I can't be happy with you I need to find my own happiness. I couldn't wait forever"

    That was another lie. He could have. He didn't want to love someone else. He had built his whole idea of romance around her, and now it shattered around them during Christmas. It only seemed fitting as the snow began to fall around them.

    "Go home Rhian...I'll get Tess. She'll take care of you." He turned around wishing to get out of this moment. "I wish you all the best Rhi, you...you deserve a nice guy like Heath"

    Each step hurt more but he couldn't stay. With each step the finality was there.

    "Merry Christmas"
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    Rhian Kael


    Dragon Trainer In Training

    OOC : Tiffany

    PostSubject: Re: Simply Having A Wonderful Christmas Time (Invite) (Warning: Language)   Wed Apr 11 2018, 00:54

    Of course he couldn't wait forever. Hell, how long had he waited already? How long had he felt this way about her with Rhian being too blind to see it? As new tears formed, falling silently, memories of him through their years together flitted through her mind. Taking her up on a broom for the first time, her arms wrapped like a vice around his face as she laughed into the wind. Their traditional trips late every summer to get school supplies, the way it was always something special for them. Feeling so proud when he got into the Academy, after worrying himself that his grades hadn't been enough. When she told him she had as well....the last time they laughed together...

    But he was shutting down now. He would walk back up to that flat and out of her life. She could see it so clearly.

    They would pretend, around his family, that everything was okay. But she would die just a little inside every time she saw him. He would continue on with Claire, or someone else, and she would have to watch for the rest of their lives as someone else made him happy. As someone else got to love him.

    But...that someone should be me, she realized. Everything that she'd thought she wanted in a relationship she'd already had with Connor. He was supportive, he was always there for her. They laughed easily and often, and only ever fought for each other, and not against....until now. She'd known they'd meant a lot to each other, she'd just never imagined that this was what love was.

    How could she be so stupid?! She couldn't let him walk up there without knowing. Even if it broke her.

    "Stop, please," she practically begged, rushing to his retreating back. Her hand reached out, wanting to wrap herself around him, but her fingers only brushed at the small of his back. She didn't dare push for more. Taking in a shuddering breath, she poured her heart out.

    "I didn't know, Connor," that wasn't good enough. "I didn't realize that...I was looking for...you. That," This isn't making sense! She tried again. "Everything that I was waiting for, that I was dreaming of, I already had...with you. That's why I never really looked for it, or knew that's what I needed. Because I already had it."

    At least he was listening. She sniffed softly and kept going. "I didn't know that the perfect man was right in front of me. That you've always had my heart." It's why she couldn't give it to a guy like Heath. It wasn't hers to give.

    Her world hung on this moment. "Please. Tell me I haven't lost you now that I found you."

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    Connor Bailey


    Dragon Trainer In Training

    PostSubject: Re: Simply Having A Wonderful Christmas Time (Invite) (Warning: Language)   Wed Apr 11 2018, 01:07

    Slowly but surely he felt himself begin to close up. He was always the crumbling fool, making sure everyone was okay, that she had a smile on her face. He kept all the pain inside. As he began to climb the stairs, her broken tone made him stop. He closed his eyes tightly. 'Don't, please, are you seriously a masochist?' and flinched at the moment she touched him. He didn't want her to touch him. She didn't want to feel her around him.

    The mixture of anger, resentment and heartache made his stomach turn. But he knew that he was a fool for listening. "Everything that I was waiting for, that I was dreaming of, I already had...with you. That's why I never really looked for it, or knew that's what I needed. Because I already had it."

    Wasn't that what he always wanted to hear? To have her one day just realize that they were meant to be together and their worlds would collide? Then why wasn't he happy about it? There was no real sprouting of joy, an urge to kiss her, in fact, he felt himself take a deep sigh. 'Really think about this before you answer'

    And so he did. Did he really love her? Yes, his heart automatically said. Yet did he really know her? Did he expect her to become so chaotic and angry for him simply trying to live? No. Did he expect her to be possessive once he wasn't rotating around her like usual? No. All of that confused him.

    'But you want to be with her?' His conscious prodded. Yes. Yes he did, but as he turned around and saw her look so broken, it was clear that this was not how it was supposed to happen. The way the big fat tears rolled down her cheeks made him know she too was hurting.

    But the one sentence that broke him was simple. "Please. Tell me I haven't lost you now that I found you."

    Slowly, he wrapped his arms around her tightly and kissed the top of her head. His heart lurched at the feeling. It was usually so natural but right now it was hard to go through the motions. Still he held her tightly before he really responded to her with his heart and his brain.

    "You can never lose me Rhian" he murmured softly. "But at the same time, I think that you really need to grow. We both do actually. For the last five years or so my heart has revolved around you and what I thought you wanted of me. And maybe I'll always be that way, but I can't give you want you want now"

    Pulling back he gripped her shoulders making sure she would listen to him. "I love you, and I always will. But" he looked up at the building. "I can't do that to Claire. I don't love her, and maybe I'll never get to love her, but she deserves someone to at least try. I refuse to use her." he looked a bit bitter as the next words came through. "I want you to do the same. Look around, get to know yourself and if that happens and you want to come back to me...I'll wait. I think we both need to live. Can you do that for me Rhian? Can you live?"

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    Rhian Kael


    Dragon Trainer In Training

    OOC : Tiffany

    PostSubject: Re: Simply Having A Wonderful Christmas Time (Invite) (Warning: Language)   Wed Apr 11 2018, 01:29

    I don't know how.

    And she didn't. The last month or so was proof enough that her world wasn't the same without him. That she wasn't the same. This wasn't her, the drinking and the rage. She'd never been this person, not in all her life. Sure, she wasn't as social as Connor, who made friends so easily. But this anger...

    He was right. She needed to grow up.

    The tears stopped as a door closed on her heart. It was easier than breathing, and before she knew it the pain was gone. Replaced by numb. Her eyes, no longer that of the hopeful teen, looked up at the man in front of her as if a stranger.

    "Go back to the party."

    It wouldn't be safe to Disapparate in her state, so she took out her wand and accio'd her boots from the pile by the second story door. They gently floated down and through the lower flat, to her waiting hands. Slipping her feet into the knee-highs, her chest felt hollow. "Merry Christmas."

    She cast a warming charm around her body, deciding she'd get her coat somehow later, she headed towards a gate at the side of the small yard. She would walk herself sober. Or until she reached home.

    Or until she was as lost as she felt. The snow crunched under her boots as she walked away, leaving her heart with the man behind her. He could have it. Christmas music floated towards her from one of the other houses, sounding sadder than it had any right to be.

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    Connor Bailey


    Dragon Trainer In Training

    PostSubject: Re: Simply Having A Wonderful Christmas Time (Invite) (Warning: Language)   Wed Apr 11 2018, 01:40

    Rhian did not take it as well as Connor had hoped. His own shoulders slumped as she walked away. He had no right to call her back or to beg for her to be okay. He was also frustrated in himself because he wanted to apologize. He wanted to be sorry for putting her into that position and forcing her to respond.

    Did she really love him? He wasn't sure if he was perfectly honest. The only reason was that she was used to him, had expectations of him and when he was less than perfect it shifted her axis completely.

    "You can come out now" he murmured softly.

    Sure enough Heath appeared behind him looking a bit achy himself too. He felt bad for the kid, because he heard things that no boyfriend should here.

    "I'm sorry" he murmured not bothering to look at him.

    'It's okay, I should have known...she wasn't into me'

    Connor winced as his own words rang back to him from Heath's mouth. He did not and would not follow Rhian but he knew someone who would.

    "Can you do me a favor? Can you make sure she gets home? You're a good kid I can tell"

    Heath murmured and agreement and he walked off behind Rhian hoping to make her realize how dangerous it was. He was a good guy in a bad situation. Connor felt a bitter taste in his mouth rise seeing that he had caused all this.

    Still, he did what was asked of him. He went up the stairs and back to the flat. As he opened the door it was clear that everyone had already left. Ben and Tess had clearly kicked everyone out, and the lights in his room were still on.

    Connor walked up the stairs to his room and he found Claire laying in bed waiting for him. Taking off his clothes and changing into pajamas he curled up beside her. He felt her lips on his cheek and soon allowed himself to relax in her arms.

    "I'm sorry that happened darling"
    she whispered softly. "But you'll heal now, I'll make sure of it."

    "Yeah...I'm sorry" he whispered in returned.

    "You can never apologize for your past feelings. Now sleep."

    So he did as requested. His mind would not shut off, but he needed to just escape the torment in his mind. Eventually he fell asleep.
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    Rhian Kael


    Dragon Trainer In Training

    OOC : Tiffany

    PostSubject: Re: Simply Having A Wonderful Christmas Time (Invite) (Warning: Language)   Wed Apr 11 2018, 01:57

    Rhian got to maybe the next block before she heard her name far enough behind her that she wasn't startled. It wasn't really a surprise...and that hurt worse. Of course Connor had sent Heath after her. Even as she was coming down from being so far gone she knew he wouldn't have let her walk into the night alone.

    He was a better man than that, and if she'd had any more feelings to have they would have been in agony.

    She felt Heath settle his coat around her shoulders, his hand resting at her back as he kept pace with her slow steps. They walked like that for a little while in silence, it was clear he'd heard enough to understand.

    He's too good for you, she thought bitterly. It seemed to be a pattern tonight. She looked over at him, his features illuminated by the street lamps they passed. "You didn't deserve this. I'm sorry." And she was, or at least she knew she would be. Right now she didn't feel much of anything, but neither was it a lie.

    "I won't say I'm happy about it." He didn't seem to be, but Rhian got the impression that he wasn't really surprised either. "But I think I'd like to be your friend."

    Rhian nodded lightly, her arm reaching out to wrap around his waste gently in return. It wasn't affectionate, but it was what she could give him right now. "I'd like that." It was better than she deserved.

    They walked for a few more minutes before Heath Apparated Rhian home, helping to get her tucked in. The Song's and the Bailey's had gone on a trip to see relatives for the holiday. Heath offered to stay with her, to sleep on the couch if she preferred, but Rhian declined the offer. She was done with people doing things for her that they shouldn't.

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